Friday, November 7, 2014

ANXIETY: letter

you may have been told that life is a game

and that you can win it or lose it, in some way you probably almost understand but not quite

(which is worrying)

and that love is a reward

I would like you to know that a mistake has been made there

life is not a game

love is not a reward

love is a tidal thing

and if you don’t know this you will be like a child crying on the beach because the sea went away

because the sea didn’t like you

we often don’t know what strange moons are dragging

at the reservoirs of love held by those we wish to rely on

cancer moons and money moons and that big old sky-smothering satellite that drives our parents mad


generally speaking

it is probably not about you

most of the time

it would be a strange world in which it is all about you

and where everyone carefully checks how much love you deserve before handing it over

sometimes we try because we are silly and we have been told lies about life and love, too

but frankly we are far too self-involved to keep track

unconditional love is so much easier

Father Christmas doesn’t keep a list

you are loved

not by everyone all the time

but this world is full of decent people with hearts that have been broken enough to be quite elastic

and they will not let you go without a fight

they will write stories for you and give birth to you and carefully do your dental work

they may notice that you are sad and maybe not even say anything and maybe kick you in the shin because they think it might help or they may do the right thing and one of them might be your dog and some of them are probably imaginary but it’s a strong team working shifts

and they won’t let you go without a fight

even though they are scared

like you

you can help not let them go either

once you got some rest

you are welcome

sleep well.

From notes for the Anxiety comic I am working on, which should be a book before long. More drawings soon!

P.S. The other file I found is this - I have no idea what that was for.


peter bangs said...

This seems to a very literal shiver down my spine. If this is the notes I can't wait for the finished story.

Ben said...

Thankyou for baring your soul. You are truly beautiful.
I have suffered anxiety over the years and can relate to your illustrations and musings.

Swati said...

And Tufnell lived in a little log, way out west. Not a log cabin, mind you, just a little log, with knotholes for windows, which sent icy drafts in the winters, being so very difficult to cover properly.