Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Angry Work

One question illustrators seem to get every question time is: what do you do when you run out of ideas? I always say I don't really, which is true. It's solutions that are the hard work, and asking the right questions -  but ideas are always around.
My main problem has always been what to do when I'm too angry to work...

I'm mostly a peaceful creature producing peaceful work (I hope) and often find myself running awful things through my head that I would have liked to have said to someone who seriously angered me. Maybe some stranger on the bus who I didn't talk back to because I just wanted them to go away, but who really did deserve telling off.
That always blocks up any other thoughts. Sometimes I write down what I'd like to say and throw it away a few days later when I feel calmer.
When I was in school I had a wooden log that I'd bang a nail into every time I was really cross, and I enjoyed having that sit in my room being ugly and slightly maladjusted-looking. - I refuse putting my angry energy to productive use because I think it's a bad motivation, unless it's used to actually try and point out or change what is bad. I deeply mistrust anyone who thinks insults are motivating - the kind of person who tells others that they are useless so they can "prove them wrong", and feels they are doing them a great service. In fact, that is just about the best way to make me very angry.

If the fight is not worth fighting, I like to just let my anger fade away. Sometimes I just do some gardening. I think that's what I'll do today, because I am really quite cross about some completely pointless things.
I'll plant out a tomato seedling, and then I'll have a cup of my best tea, and then, hopefully, I'll write this thing I need to finish, using just a bit of that anger because what I am writing is also about things that make me angry...

Mentioning logs, I finally finished watching Twin Peaks and I think it's all about trees. The trees are where the Spirits live. The whole dynamic is the result of some people setting up a lumber mill.
I wonder why I didn't understand that until I watched the whole thing.

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