I've finally gone and bought a MotoFone. I've wanted one for some time now... e-paper display (whoooo... pretty) NO features (well, you can make phone calls and sort of use SMS and have a bit of an alarm clock) and the most ridiculously long battery life. (I'm not good at keeping my phone charged, which irritates people.)
And every text message comes through like this:
It's got the silliest menu structure I've ever seen, and I love it very much.
Oh, and every so often I accidentally switch on the "voice prompts", which means it shouts "SEND A MESSAGE! CHANGE YOUR RINGTONE!" etc. at me, in case I might want to do anything like that. Heh.
Oh, oh, and it doesn't have any games, unless you count "guess the code to make things happen", which if you win changes the settings.