Yesterday we got thinking about Supervillains. In particular, what it would be like if one of them took you shopping.
I think it's a great way to try out a villain, imagining that.
Darth Vader. Makes great effort to get you the things you always wanted, then creates a nuisance in the electrical goods department when he gets carried away testing the gadgets.
Result: Darth Vader gets you the Best Toy Ever.
Long John Silver. Feels like a great adventure, lots of laughs, until he notices the store detective, at which point he goes "I wonder if you could just hold this for me, son. And this and this and this. Excuse me for a minute." and disappears.
Result: Long John Silver gets you arrested.
Jabba the Hutt: He just waits in the car park and gives you his credit card and a couple of guards to help with the carrying. You buy your groceries, and on your return he wants to see the receipt. It makes his eyes boggle, and his translator says: "Jabba says this is not the true price of Salmon. Jabba says he knows the true price of Salmon. Jabba says you will pay the true price of salmon. In the pit of Rancor!" Then he goes woah ho ho ho ho, spots you've been making a three-for-two deal on pizza and it's all good again.
Result: Jabba gets you a month's supply of groceries.
Voldemort. He gets more and more cranky , then throws a hissy fit at the cereal isle. "Shreddies or Weetabix? Make up your mind. It's not that hard!!!" - at the check-out he shouts at you for buying more than you can carry because he's forgotten that he could levitate it by magic.
Voldemort has no concept of human joy, and he won't get you anything interesting.
Sauron. He arrives late and lays waste to the mall. Then he's mildly baffled about your disappointment.
Result: Sauron gets you nothing at all.
Doctor Octopus. You spend a long day in B&Q, watching him stalk the isles.
Result: Doctor Octopus gets you an ice-cream while you wait.
Magneto. Whisks you away to Paris, takes you to Lafayette and does tricks with cutlery at the cafe.
Result: Magneto gets you a great day out.
Hook: Takes you straight to Morrisson's breakfast area, orders a couple of fry-ups and says "Arrrh me boy, we shall dine like lords on fivepence!" - Then he sends you back home because he has some sort of thing on in the afternoon involving a giant crocodile.
Result: Hook gets you a cheap breakfast.
I find my favourite villains are the ones that would be fun to go shopping with.
Maybe it's because supermarket-shopping is like world domination in miniature. Maybe it's like somehow they are all universal dads.
What about female villains though?